Boundaries are drawn all around us. Physical boundaries are drawn for us: earth’s atmosphere, shorelines, nation
However, in relationships, we share the task of drawing the lines of relational boundaries for ourselves. Neighbors, coworkers, friends, and acquai
From birth to death, boundaries help us learn where we are, define areas of safety, illustrate our freedom to explore, limit our ownership, and remind us of responsibility. In addition, they provide a context for learning who we are as individuals. This is especially true within the intimate relationships of partnerships,
Besides genetic information that shapes our bodies and determines mental strength or weakness, our parents also provide the nurturing that either activates healthy growth in all the areas of our lives – or not. What we believe about ourselves and how we interact with the natural world and the people in it come from the personal boundaries learned from our parents. During our lifetimes, we learn and define, over-reach and shrink our personal boundaries.
If we were denied the opportunity to learn and the permission to choose healthy boundaries as children, we may develop default settings that mirror our parents’ survival skills, rather than finding the boundaries congruent with who we really are. Some problems do come at us from the outside and are not anyone’s fault. Other problems are definitely our fault or someone else’s. When we choose to assign blame for every problem, however, our default settings and personalities can
Life inevitably hands us pain, discomfort, and disconnection in the relationships we most care about. The resulting anger, sadness, and
Discerning where we are in this process can seem complicated, painful, and even impossible when we attempt it alone. Finding a counselor to work with through the process can make all the difference. Gather your courage and start looking for someone today!
For more information on this, please read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents