“I feel like I’m doing everything around here.”
“I feel taken advantage of.”
“I don’t feel supported by you.”
“All you do is nag me and tell me what I’m not doing or what I’m doing I’m doing poorly.”

Can you relate to any of those sentiments? Agreeing on roles in the home is one of the most challenging things husbands and wives face, especially when they become parents.

It can be very easy to put the needs of others before our own, especially as a parent. Moms seem to struggle with this regularly.
Most moms want to be the best mom they can be.
Most moms measure themselves by how much or how little they do for their children. Few moms recognize that how they treat themselves affects their role as a parent and a spouse.

Self care is best understood as an activity, lifestyle or attitude that gives us permission to take care of ourselves so that we can better serve those around us.

It is not an entirely selfish act. An appropriate analogy is the instruction we receive from a flight attendant prior to take off. The instruction is that in an event of an emergency we are to put on our own oxygen masks first so that we can then turn and help those around us.

Without oxygen we will soon be unable to help anyone.

Self-care has the same goal. The healthier you are the better chance you have of being the best parent and spouse you can be. Self-care can be anything that helps you clear your head and gives you life.

Examples are:
playing an instrument,
and listening to music.

There are literally hundreds of ways we can take care of ourselves on a daily and weekly basis.

Even if you are busy and don’t have a lot of flexibility in your schedule, you can most likely find creative ways to gain perspective and take care of yourself. Some simple examples: Eat your lunch outside instead of in a noisy environment.

Take a 15 minute walk in a desirable place.
Wake up a little earlier so you can have some quality reading or mediation time.
Take a scenic route home instead of the quickest route.
Roll your windows down and feel the breeze.
Stop at a park on the way home for a few minutes and focus your intentions on how you want the evening to go.

I try to ride my bike to the office as much as possible. I get exercise, but I also get a chance to see life from a different vantage point. I see people, trees, houses, and birds from a different place. Instead of fighting traffic I’m able to look around and see more. When I get home I feel “clean” as though I have emptied all unnecessary baggage on my ride and I’m ready and capable of being an attentive and intentional father and husband. (Most of the time )

I challenge you to figure out what self-care looks like for you.

I encourage you to ask your spouse what self-care looks like for them.
Make sure the two of you have a plan how it can work out for the family for each of you to take care of yourselves on weekly basis.

Interested in talking to one of our experienced counselors at Emery Counseling?  We are here for you, to help provide you with the tools to live the life you want!