I can mostly recall the scene on the ski slopes that day.  A mother and child were lying directly in front of me while they fidgeted with their ski gear.  I remember thinking, “Uh oh.  They’re right where I want to go.”  The next thing I remember is the ski patrolman telling my parents that I needed to go to the hospital. I was seven years old and just took a day playing hooky with my family and broke my tibia in a painful spiral fracture.

If you have ever skied or mountain biked, even if you’ve driven a car, you know that you end up going wherever you focus your gaze.  I remember staring at that mother and child as if the intensity of my stare would somehow lift them out of my way.  Obviously this backfired.  I went right to where I was looking.  Focusing on the problem usually just brings more focus to the problem.  Focusing on the solution brings about resolution.

What are you struggling with in your marriage?  Have you set your gaze on the problem or the solution?  Identify where you want things to go and work towards making that a reality.  Along the way you will most certainly experience setbacks and distractions, like we all do.  Return your gaze and intentions to the solution.  Healthy and happy marriages don’t always feel blissful.  Healthy and happy marriages take determination and a commitment to resolution.

I heard a couple the other day, they’ve been married for 32 years, say that one thing they have learned throughout their marriage is that a healthy marriage requires constant problem solving by focusing on the goal and not letting the problem deter them from where they want to go.  What we focus on becomes our destination.  Determine where you want your relationship to go and set your gaze upon the solution.

Back to the story.  Apparently, I must have been staring two feet in front of the mother and child because that is exactly where I crashed.  One of my bindings never released and the break occurred as a result of brute force on the shinbone.  Pretty sure the ski shop was negligent in the binding setup, but my parents were focused on the solution, me healing, more than they were finding blame J

Take aways:

  1. Every relationship has problems that require maneuvering
  2. Only focusing on the problem will lead you to more of the problem
  3. Set your gaze on the solution and don’t give up