Valentines Day has come and gone.
Perhaps you had a wonderful hallmark-level evening filled with rose petals and chocolate, or perhaps yours reflected a bit more reality that may have included sick kids, busy work schedules, sports practices and total exhaustion.
Maybe you think it’s just a silly holiday and you spend everyday making sure your valentine is fully appreciated or something like that…?
Has comparison been eating at your heart?
It is a sneaky little thing that creeps up.
It may even start with good intentions; “Our neighbors sure seem to have a good marriage, they are always doing fun things.”
But where does your heart go after that? Does it go to a place of, “I wish my spouse would do that for me.”
Or does it go to a place of, “I am going to make a plan for us to do that picnic and hike we have been putting off.”
Each of us are uniquely and wonderfully made. We have qualities and we have faults.
As we become one, we mix into another uniquely and wonderfully made creation. Because we are unique so are our marriages.
To compare our marriage to what someone else has, really is not realistic because all of the moving parts are incredibly different.
So here is a challenge for us all.
Instead of comparison, replace the word with inspiration. You are one half of your relationship.
None of us can make another person do what we want. We can, however, make changes within ourselves.
Ask yourself, what can I do to be the best partner in this relationship?
How will I inspire my heart to change my focus from disappointment to thankfulness?
What does YOUR best marriage look like?
1. Be on the hunt
a. Throw away your file of wrongs and start looking at the things your partner does
right. Notice the good things.
2. Be intentional
a. How can you be your best as a partner? Check your heart. The intention cannot be to get something in return. Pray that God will help clear out resentment and replace it with love and an earnest desire to do your part in the marriage.
a. Drop your phone, turn off the tv, look away from the laptop. If your spouse says
something to you, stop what you are doing and look at them. Eye contact is so important and sends a great message that says, “You are important to me.”
By replacing comparison with inspiration, it gives us back the power to change our circumstances.
It allows us to feel as if we are not just waiting for change but instead working toward it.
We can only do our part.
We can seek God for guidance on ways to bless our spouse and we can ask God to step in and make a difference as well.
At times, there are many hurts that have taken place. In order to get back on track, it may be time to seek counseling. Know that we are here for you. We can assist in processing communication struggles, disappointments, resentment and forgiveness. We can help you and your spouse move toward your best marriage.
May the Lord bless you as you search for inspiration, may he fill in the gaps as repairs are being made and may your relationship grow into your best marriage.
***Important: This blog is not intended to apply if you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel that you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, please know you are not alone and we are here to support you. Please contact us to set up an appointment.