The age-old debate, when should we go to couple’s counseling?
I would ask yourself(s) some questions. And a disclaimer that this wisdom below is an ideal and harder to reach depending on your situation.
Is there a decent amount of work both partners have done independently?
Has each partner been to a therapist?
This is not to say that if you are already attending couple’s counseling that you should stop.
And when we are in an intimate partnership with another person, we must have a certain level of awareness of ourselves for real change to happen. And we must be committed to the work. Which brings up my next question.
Yes, you are having conflict and maybe some chaos, how committed are each of you to working on the relationship? Can you have this type of conversation with each other? Yes, things may be hard and I wonder are you both wanting the change as much as the other?
For couple’s counseling to prosper, both parties at least have the same level of commitment.
Maybe one is less self-aware and done more work with their own individual therapist and the other is just catching up but has the will and the drive to the relationship. Then this can also work. So do a pulse check, where are we at really on commitment level to each other? If you are both two feet in then that can be a wonderful place to begin couple’s counseling.
If you are currently in couple’s counseling currently, is there a way you both could seek out your own therapist whilst seeking couples together?
Therapy of course can get expensive. And the mind and body are so deeply connected that one has to wonder what is the cost by not taking the time for yourself separate from the relationship?
If you are still unsure of whether or not you should start couple’s counseling just reach out. We can help walk you through so you can both make the best decision.