As a marriage and family counselor one of the most difficult circumstances I will encounter is when one spouse chooses to go out side of the marital relationship to have needs met. If you or anyone you know is currently caught in this horrific set of circumstances, PLEASE, don’t try to recover without professional assistance.
Why, You ask; Well it is just so devastating on numerous fronts.
For an example, the following are just a few of the dynamics at work:
- Shock: Even if you might have suspected that your mate is cheating, the reality is Shocking. This requires a great deal of assistance to find ones footing again.
- Deception: To be lied to by the ONE person you have given yourself completely to is beyond words. To trust or never trust again requires a gentle hand.
- Devaluation: So often the “Cheatee” (the one being cheated on) will experience an overwhelming sense of “I feel so used and cast aside”. Individuals will benefit from a hearty dose of “You are LOVEABLE.
- Betrayal: Infidelity is the ultimate “stab in the back”. This requires careful trauma therapy.
- Second Guessing: A traumatic experience such as infidelity will often leave an individual questioning everything about themselves. Reassurance that they still have much to offer will be a necessity .
- Hopelessness: individuals experiencing Infidelity will often struggle to find the doorway to a better future and will need assistance in creating a new vision.
- Forgiveness: So often individuals will struggle finding the pathway to forgiveness on their own, yet without it, they will flounder.
- Anger: Few things in life will cause a person to become so enraged, so much work will be in order to find a healthy manner in which to unload.
- Trust: So many times I will hear from suffering clients: “How will I ever be able to trust anyone ever again”? Trust is most often the last piece to the ultimate recover from infidelity, but it is probably the most difficult task of all.
This list is by no means a complete list of emotions that many people are dealing with as a result of infidelity, but believe me when I say: With diligence, courage, grit and a good dose of faith, PEOPLE CAN RECOVER!! They just will need tender care and time to work through all the associated emotions. Help in recovery is available and the Emery Counseling team is ready and willing.
Don’t ignore your pain, give someone a call. Respectfully, Gary Emery