As a therapist I have been trained in understanding that all people have emotional needs. I have learned that our emotions are designed to alert us to specific needs. Often we have life experiences that wound our understanding of these needs. In my previous blog I unpacked this further. While our emotions can help us to identify needs and we can learn ways to get them met, I believe there is one need that connects them all. I believe underlying much of our emotional needs is a deep need to be loved and know that we are lovable.
What does it mean to be loved or lovable?
I believe a part of this is knowing, feeling and experiencing that we are significant. That we have value. That our needs matter. That we matter.
Where we draw from to feel and know we are loved has to be reliable. When you experience enough of life you will find that everything eventually changes and most things are temporary. Jobs end, relationships end, athletic ability ends, times change, people come in and out of our life. We will find there is not a whole lot we can rely on with absolute certainty. While they are important, spouses, friends and family, in the long run, will not be able to be there completely or sufficiently to meet our need of being loved. This makes it difficult to find a reliable source to get our need to be loved met. Often we will feed our need from unreliable sources and when it or they fail us, we can fall deeper into despair. Equally, if we are not intentionally feeding our need of being loved we may begin to feel and act starved and not even be aware that is what is happening.
It’s important to ask ourselves, “What source am I feeding from to get my need of being loved met?”
Personally, I believe it is God who designed within us our need to be loved and it is God who can satisfy this need. As a counselor, I have found through relationship with Jesus, that He is a reliable source of love. I also believe God wants a relationship with each of us. No matter where you are, I encourage you to reach out to God today. If you are feeling guarded because you are hurting, grieving or alone, take the risk and begin a conversation with Him. Even if it is a quiet whisper, He will hear you. He will meet you and provide for your needs. He wants each of us to know how deeply we are loved.
At Emery counseling we strive to share God’s love with others. We do this through the education and training we’ve had, creating a safe place to share and process, we honor all faith backgrounds and we seek to empower our clients to identify needs and ways to get them met. If you are needing a safe place to connect and gain better understanding of your emotions and needs, we are here for you.